Batty Blend (A Paramour Bay Cozy Paranormal Mystery Book 13) Read online

  “And these bats have arrived?” my mother asked warily, catching me off guard.

  “Yes.”

  I stopped talking for a moment, observing her closely as she absorbed the latest bit of information. The palm of my hand had remained warm ever since we’d arrived here at the house, and for once I listened to my own instincts.

  It was a good thing that Leo was still on his scavenger hunt for edibles, because he probably would have told me that my abilities were simply on the fritz.

  “I also think Count Cuddles might have been part of the colony, but he somehow hurt his wing. Look, Eileen gave me a list of names of elderly men who weren’t born in the Paramour Bay. We’ve crossed them all off the list, which means that we have to start from scratch.” I began to list what everyone was currently doing to help in this situation. “Ted and Justine went to the cemetery, Heidi is at the house looking through old photographs of citizens from Paramour Bay in hopes that the vampire doesn’t change his features too much, and Liam drove out to the pier to see if he can spot anything strange. I’m going to—”

  “Justine?”

  I winced when I realized that Mom had no idea that Agnus had given a helping hand in the golem spell. It was too much to get into now when Beetle might be walking through the door at any moment.

  “I’ll explain later, but Justine is definitely a living and breathing entity now.” A spark of anger hit me. “And you would have known that had you returned my calls and texts.”

  “Like I said, I had some errands that I needed to tend to,” my mother said curtly, once again turning to the door. She then raised her voice to make sure that Leo could hear her. “Leo, get out of the pantry.”

  That’s why Leo had been so quiet.

  He’d finally found his catnip stash.

  I figured it had been less than a minute since I’d heard him banging around in the kitchen, but that was certainly enough time to consume more than his fair share to ruin his diet that I’d been trying to get him to stick to lately.

  “Mom, we need to figure out the identity of the vampire so that he knows he doesn’t have to resort to some type of explosion in order to cover up his so-called death,” I stressed, crossing my arms and refusing to leave. “You and I could offer him a solution. We can utilize magic to give him an alternative.”

  “Raven, what makes you think that the vampire is elderly?” my mother asked in all seriousness. She’d even let her hand drop from the doorknob.

  “Well, Harry explained that vampires aren’t truly immortal.” I felt rushed in trying to explain everything that we’d learned today, but I figured Beetle had to be on his way back to the house. “A vampire ages at a slower rate. Given how long he has been in and out of town, we’re guessing that he’s at least in his eighties.”

  Uh, Raven?

  “I hate when you say my name like that, Leo,” I retorted back in frustration. I spun around to find that he was sitting back on his haunches with dried blueberries and morsels of catnip hanging from his whiskers. “Did you eat it all? If you did, I promise to find out where Beetle ordered the treats from, and then I’ll order them for the house.”

  Oh, that. We have nothing to worry about. I’m pretty sure there’s at least two pounds of the stuff left. My mental antioxidants will be aplenty for the foreseeable future. That’s not our problem, though.

  “Mental antioxidants?” my mother muttered as she rubbed her forehead in disbelief. “I swear, it’s like watching Abbott and Costello.”

  “I’ll try not to take offense to that,” I replied wryly, tossing my mother a glare over my shoulder. “Leo, what are you talking about?”

  He stared at me blankly.

  My frustration had already been at the tipping point due to my mother, but Leo’s memory blip was about to send me over the edge.

  “I think what Leo is trying to point out is that you might have been wrong on your math.” My mother then coughed in the irritating way she did when she was about to say something I didn’t like. The palm of my hand was now almost painful in its heat. “I think we might be looking for someone a tad bit younger.”

  Math! That’s right. I was doing math while enjoying my treat, and I came to the conclusion that the vampire isn’t eighty. So…it appears that we are looking for someone maybe middle-aged, not born here in Paramour Bay, and…

  Leo’s horrified gasp echoed throughout the living room.

  “Leo, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions,” my mother warned, stepping around me in her attempt to reach him. It made me realize that I was missing something huge in this part of the conversation. “And for all we know, the vampire might actually be—”

  She should sit down, don’t you think? Raven, have a seat right here on the couch. Look, I’ll even join you. I don’t believe that I’ve ever had to break something to you of such devastation.

  “Why would I need to…” I trailed off my words as what they were suggesting began to sink in. “No. Not a chance. You two can back up that particular bus right now, because what you’re about to say aloud is something I can’t even fathom. I won’t.”

  Face it, Raven. The one and only good ol’ sheriff might very well be the visiting vampire. He’s younger than eighty, he wasn’t born in Paramour Bay, and he’s currently down at the very pier where he always makes his getaway. There, there. I know what it’s like to have a soulmate ravage your heart, but you can take it from my experience that a new mate is right around the next corner.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “You two are going to be the death of me yet,” I muttered, pulling into an empty parking space at the pier. I’d forced my mother to change out of her kimono and into some clothes so that she could come with us. “I’m telling you now that Liam is not the vampire. One, he isn’t sensitive to sunlight. Two, he’s eaten my lasagna multiple times. Trust me, I go heavy on the garlic.”

  Oh, don’t I know it. Why do you think I stay the night with Crayola head when you eat that nasty stuff? Hmmmm. Makes me wonder if he’ll have room in the Ted-Shed now that the walking, talking, laughing plastic redhead is in the picture. I don’t want to accidentally walk in on them making Weeble Wobbles.

  “Leo, this is serious,” I chastised, shoving the gear shift of my old Corolla into park. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how ridiculous it was for us to even be here at the pier. “Liam is not the vampire.”

  Denial is a process, Raven.

  “Well, one can never be too sure,” my mother said, coming across as a little too agreeable with Leo. There was still something that she was keeping from us. “You should go and talk to him.”

  For once, listen to your mother. But only this one time. Usually, she’s the one to lead us headfirst into disaster. Hmmm, my own advice is making me question why we’re here.

  “What we should have done was stay at the house.”

  I’d had Mom call Beetle and explain that Count Cuddles could survive on the tea blend that I’d made instead of making a sacrifice. He’d promised to leave the pet shop without the bird in hand, but I wouldn’t feel confident that nothing living had become a victim unless I saw Count Cuddles drink the tea and be satisfied for myself.

  “I’ve already told you that CC is just fine,” my mother assured me, causing me to doubt this side-trip to the pier.

  It’s almost like a distraction. Wait. Did you mother just make me an accessory to a crime?

  “I’ve changed my mind,” I declared, putting the car in reverse. “There’s no reason to confront Liam, because I have full faith that he would have told me that he was a vampire after finding out that I was a witch. And I think that Leo is right. This entire diversion to make me question if Liam is a vampire or not has all been a—.”

  My car died.

  The engine had simple cut out, and I was left with having to put the gear back into park.

  What did you do, Raven?

  “Nothing,” I muttered, stepping on the brake and turning the key in the engine.

&n
bsp; Well, you obviously did something. The car’s not working.

  “You’re not helping,” I stated with pure frustration. I shot a glare at my mother, who was simply sitting in the passenger side seat as if we were actually driving back home. “Mother, this is your doing, isn’t it?”

  Hey, I’m usually the first one to blame the Mistress of the Dark for a lot of things, but she’s not the one sitting behind the steering wheel.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket. Since it wasn’t like we were going anywhere at the moment, I shifted in my seat to retrieve it. Glancing at the display, I saw that Heidi was calling.

  “Hi,” I greeted, looking out the windshield to see Liam walking our way. I didn’t even want to think about how I was going to explain my presence, because I didn’t want him thinking that I had doubted him for a second. “Did you find out anything looking through the—”

  Oddly enough, my phone completely went silent.

  I pulled it away from my ear.

  Sure enough, it had died…just like my car.

  Was that a hand twitch, Regina? Seriously, you shouldn’t be so obvious. You’re losing your touch.

  “I’m trying to help my daughter, you nincompoop,” she muttered, motioning toward Liam out the window shield. “This is the perfect time to find out the truth. Besides, being in a public place isn’t such a bad thing when there’s a possibility you’re about to confront a vampire who has been posing as your boyfriend.”

  She’s colder than I thought, Raven. Have we ever considered that she might be the vampire?

  “Listen here, you little cretin,” my mother grumbled as she spun around in her seat. Leo immediately vanished into thin air, only leaving a few strands of his fur floating slowly down in his wake. “Raven, how you put up with that cantankerous familiar is beyond me.”

  “Maybe because he’s one of the few who doesn’t lie to me, Mother.”

  I opened my car door, letting Mom ponder on that for a moment. She was holding something back that had everything to do with the vampiric threat, yet she was steering me toward Liam.

  Why?

  What could she possibly have learned about the vampire that had her willing to postpone the inevitable?

  Let’s face it, I would eventually find out the truth.

  “You do not look happy,” Liam said cautiously as we closed the distance between us. The sun was beginning to set, and I dreamed of a day when we could sit back and enjoy such a view instead of chasing ghosts and vampires. “Is that your mother in the car?”

  “Yes.” I took a deep breath of the coastal air, hoping that it would give me a sense of calm. The waves were lapping against the docked boats, rocking them gently in their secured dwellings. I was grateful that my cottage sat on an acre of land on the opposite side of the bay. The soothing sounds might be different over there, but the effect was the same. “I need ten seconds of peace.”

  “You got it,” Liam replied with a warm smile, pulling me into his arms and allowing me to seek some comfort. He gently rubbed my back. “Take all the time you need.”

  Could we forgo the sappy part of this scene? It kicks in my gag reflex. Besides, I think I figured out why the Mistress of the Dark is lying the red nail polish right off those long, lethal claws of hers.

  I groaned against Liam’s chest when it was clear that I wasn’t going to get those ten, precious seconds.

  “Hi, Leo,” Liam said, his smile more than evident in the tone of his voice.

  Tell the good ol’ sheriff that I apologize for hinting that he might be one of those fanged supernatural beings who secretly lust after my mental antioxidants.

  “I haven’t had a chance to tell him yet, Leo.”

  Well, that explains why he’s still being nice to you.

  “Tell me what?” Liam asked, his good mood beginning to evaporate. He finally pulled away, though he still held on to my shoulders while he studied my chagrined expression. “Raven?”

  Good luck. I think I’ll just step off to the side here. I don’t like water that much.

  “Mom and Leo basically accused you of being the vampire,” I blurted out, much like ripping off a Band-Aid. I patted Liam on the chest in reassurance. “Don’t worry. Leo is here to apologize, and I just need a moment to figure out why my mother is throwing up roadblocks left and right. I’m pretty sure that she used a bit of magic to make the engine in my car die, as well as my phone. Heidi was just about to—”

  I gasped in horror when I realized that my mother hadn’t wanted me to speak with Heidi at all.

  That could only mean one thing.

  My former soulmate is the vampire? No way! Wow, I didn’t see that one coming.

  “Leo, Heidi is not a vampire,” I said in exasperation. Liam dropped his arms so that I could reach for my cell phone, stopping just in time. My mother had a clear view of Liam and I from the passenger seat of my car. “Liam, I need you to subtly hand me your cell phone.”

  “I swear there is never one dull moment with you,” Liam said softly while doing what I asked ever so covertly. He slipped the phone into my hands. “By the way, I didn’t notice anything off while walking the pier.”

  I couldn’t lift the phone to my ear without my mother seeing, so I kept it right in front of me while typing in Liam’s passcode to unlock the display.

  Talk about trust. Not even my former soulmate knows where my secret stash of premium organic catnip from Honduras is stored for when the squirrelpocalypse commences and the world basically stops turning. It makes me wonder if Amazon will still deliver…

  I’d made sure that Liam had stored Heidi’s phone number in his speed dial list, so all I had to do was press her name before making sure that the phone was on speaker.

  She somehow answered before the line ever rang.

  “Thank goodness you’re okay!” Heidi exclaimed, sounding a bit breathless. “I’m driving to my house now to get that garlic powder and the crosses. He didn’t bite you or anything, did he?”

  That reminds me, I didn’t consume any garlic-powdered catnip today. Maybe I shouldn’t have filled up on the blueberry edibles. Raven, do we have time to swing by the cottage?

  “Heidi, Liam is not a vampire,” I reiterated for the hundredth time. I wasn’t sure how she’d come on board the fang train, but everyone needed to disembark. “I’m actually down at the pier. Mom is with me, and she’s been acting—”

  “Don’t tell me!” Heidi practically yelled into her receiver. I had to pull the phone away from my ear so that her screech didn’t cause any damage. “Wait. Tell me. I can’t stand not knowing. Is she okay? Was she able to fend him off? Is it even possible for a witch to turn into a vampire or would one simply die from blood loss?”

  My former soulmate seems to be a bit hysterical. That’s not like her, Raven. I suppose we should cut her some slack, though. I mean, she did jump to the conclusion that the oaf of a detective was a vampire, and now she believes that you might be taken out by the good ol’ sheriff here.

  “I’ve already told you that Liam isn’t the vampire, Heidi.” I rubbed my forehead as a tension headache started to form. “Why don’t you meet us back at Beetle’s place. I want to make sure the Count Cuddles was able to drink the—”

  “Are you certifiably insane?” Heidi all but screamed into the phone. “Do not step one foot—and I mean not one itsy-bitsy toe—across that threshold, Raven! I’m not sure where you came up with the idea that Liam might be a vampire, but I know for certain that he’s not involved in the vampiric threat.”

  I don’t like where this is going, Raven. Hang up right this minute!

  “Heidi, what are you saying?” I asked guardedly, hoping beyond all hope that I’d misinterpreted the underlying meaning behind her words.

  Do you have a build-up of earwax or something? Hang up that phone, Raven!

  “I found some very, very old photographs over the course of Paramour Bay’s history, Raven.” There was a catch in Heidi’s voice as she said my name. “The vampire who has
been coming back to our town throughout the centuries is none other than Beetle!”

  My supplier? My BFF? My former soulmate was right to be hysterical, Raven! Oh, the horror!

  Chapter Fifteen

  Leo and I silently returned to the car, both of us at a loss for words.

  Oh, I don’t know about that. I have an extreme amount of words flowing through my brain thanks to the mental antioxidants from those blueberry edibles. It’s a good thing that I ate as much as possible while that traitor was out fetching dinner for his hairy-legged pet.

  I didn’t answer him right away as I opened the driver’s side door of my old Corolla and settled in behind the steering wheel. My mother was still sitting in the passenger seat with her purse tucked into her lap as she continued to think that I remained in the dark about her secret.

  One warning glance in the rearview mirror kept Leo from uttering his thoughts.

  His crooked whiskers twitched in irritation.

  “Mom, is there something that you would like to tell me?”

  Liam waved at us as he made his way to his truck. He was going to follow us back to town, but I’d asked him not to go anywhere near Beetle’s residence. As a witch, I had the ability to fend off any type of physical attack by a vampire. Plus, it wouldn’t do to have a vampire believe that a human was aware of his identity until we sorted a few things out.

  “Beetle and I have decided to have a winter wedding,” she stated matter-of-factly. Even so, I could see that she was monitoring Liam’s departure. “How did your conversation go with Liam?”

  She’s good, Raven. I’ll give her that. Not once did I even see the Mistress of the Dark blink. I read somewhere that psychopaths don’t blink when they lie, either.

  “Mom, you know exactly how my conversation went with Liam,” I responded quickly, preventing her from carrying on an argument with Leo. “He isn’t the resident vampire…Beetle is, and you’ve known this entire time.”